4/15/21, 5:33 PM
Have you found yourself in a tough spot where you might be canceled? We've got these very important steps to virtue signal your way out of any sticky situation with the woke mob.
If an old Tweet circa 2007 or Facebook post has resurfaced from the canceled cops, what do you do?
It depends on if you are a Progressive or a Populist.
1. Delete the old post.
2. Apologize profusely (see the bachelor).
3. If you self-identify as a grown man- cry or feign tears.
4. If needed, apply for sensitivity training (or your nearest gulag).
5. Make a donation to the appropriate Progressive group that you most offended.
6. If needed, resign and succumb to sucking your thumb, in hopes someone else will do some way worse until you possess skills to be useful to society again.
7. Once readmitted into society virtue sign and support the cause of the day.
1. If the post was about some strange conspiracy theory such as aliens from outer space and probes, delete the post.
2. If very strange, apologize once and move on. Majorie Taylor Greene, for example raised over $3M since she was canceled and is more powerful now than she was when the canceled cops came for her.
3. If not, and the post was factual, double down and show strength. Why is someone so offended for a post that happened over 5 years?
4. Crack open a PBR and a get a good night sleep.
5. If fired head to your local conservative media outlet and put heat on the company that got rid of you for expressing your God-given, first amendment rights.
6. Start a campaign to cancel the company that canceled you-it’s the only avenue to fight back.
7. Rinse and repeat on step 3.
Good luck out there and remember if all else fails, plywood works better than a front yard sign to stop the woke mob.